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What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna one. Anna two

I wish noah had swatted those two mosquitos

Before the crowbar was invented crows would have to drink at home

I have a chicken proof lawn it is impeccable

Where does 007 invest his money? Bonds. Stocks and bonds

I just swallowed a scrabble set my next poop could spell disaster

My ex still misses me but her aim is getting better

Having a dog named shark at the beach was a mistake

Do the people who run marathons know they dont have to?

Despite the high cost of living it remains popular

How do trees get online? They log in

What were James Brown's last words? I don't feel good

I know they say that money talks but all mine says is goodbye

I invented a new word plagiarism

RIP boiling water you will be mist

Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances

The insomniacs are getting all excited. Only 2 more sleeps until christmas

The cows got to the cannabis plant the steaks are vety high

Cabinet installer arrested! Charged with counter fitting

5 out of 6 people think russian roulette is perfectly safe

Why don't blind people go skydriving? It scares the dog too much

I've had amnesia for as long as i can remember. Open sat 10 to 3

What do you call a classy fish? Sofishticated

I took my girl to Starbucks cause i forgot her name

Ever notice now many towns are named after their water tower

One day Canada will take over the world then you will all be sorry!

What do you call a chicken that is afraid of the dark? A chicken

Don't stop be-leafing in the wonder of fall

6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down

Keep the dream alive hit your snooze button open sat 10 to 3

My friend was explaining electricity and i was like watt?

Good moms let you lick the beater great moms turn them off first

What do you call a caveman's fart a blast from the past

Can't find a precise definition of the word ambiguous

If your car is running i'll vote for it

Where does 007 invest his money?

The key to succes is sincerity if you can fake that you've got it made

My fear of moving stairs is escalating

Bruce Lee had a vegan brother Broco

Velcro what a RIP-off

Never run with bagpipes you might get kilt

What were James Brown's last words?

Be carefull when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner

What did 50 cent do when he got hungry?

With my luck when my ship comes in I'll be at the railway station

When chickens communicate do they use foul language?

Text on the banner - Before the crowbar was invented crows would have to drink at home

Text on the banner - My ex still misses me but her aim is getting better

When life gives you melons you're dyslexic

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

Caught my son chewing on elecrtical wires so I grounded him - Signs

In search of fresh vegetables puns lettuce know - Signs

I decided to take up fencing the neighbor insists I put it back - Signs

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor nearly fainted - Signs

Why isn't a group of jellyfish called a jam? - Signs

Impulsively joined an improv club wasnt prepared for what happened next - Signs

I just know the todoler stole my pen it is written all over his face - Signs

Procrastinators anonymous meeting postponed indefinitely - Signs

My doctor told me I was going deaf that was hard to hear - Signs

My mood ring is missing and I don't know how I feel about that - Signs

Dove chocolate tastes better than their soap

Cute fades but an ugly sweater is eternal

Putting a cow in an elevator really raises the steaks

I look like a Greek god painted by Picasso

I love when candy canes are in mint condition

Christmas trees wear skirts so you won’t cedar roots

THE ONLY THING FLAT EARTHERS FEAR IS SPHERE ITSELF

CAN FEBRUARY MARCH? NO BUT APRIL MAY

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